If This is Austen
by Red Bess Rackham
Summary: A year ago, Kate left Jack for Sawyer. When she decides to call him up, the message she hears on his answering machine causes her to begin to seriously rethink her decision. Based on the song "Austin" by Blake Shelton. Jack/Kate and a little Sawyer/Kate.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own LOST, Blake Shelton, his song "_Austin_", or Prince Caspian. Not that Prince Caspian has anything to do with this, but I thought I should mention that anyways just in case.

**A/n: **For ages I have wanted to write the song "Austin" by Blake Shelton into a fic but couldn't decide on an idea. Got one finally and so we go. I want to dedicate this to **moony's number one** 'cuz I know she's a big Jater. Enjoy dude. A bit of warning for everyone, this is just a simple, fluffy, _based_-on-a-song. Lastly, I know the song is _Austin_ as in Austin, Texas. Creative license makes it _Austen_ as in Kate Austen. :P One more thing: this is AU as it does not jive with the Oceanic 6 storyline whatsoever.

* * *

**If This is Austen**

It was about a year and a half since their rescue from the island. They stayed together for a little while but inevitably she wasn't able to settle. Besides, she still had feelings for someone else.

One day he came home from the hospital and she was just climbing into a taxi.

"You weren't even going to say goodbye?" he said quietly.

She smiled sadly. "Sorry."

There was an awkward pause.

"I… " she began and pushed a piece of chestnut colored hair away from her green eyes. "I just need to clear my mind a bit."

"Oh." He replied.

She averted her gaze and shut the taxi door. It drove away down the tree-lined lane and turned a corner out of sight.

He headed into the house and found no sign of her – no note, no phone number where he might reach her. Nothing of hers remained. He sighed and sank down in one of the dark brown living room chairs, suddenly feeling exhausted. He immediately figured she'd gone back to Sawyer; she talked about him all the time.

So he'd lost her again. He wondered if his life and Sawyer's were forever going to be intertwined as Kate bounced between loving one than the other, or would one of them ever move on? He was sorry she had fallen in love with two men and that she found herself unable to choose between them. Not only because he selfishly wanted to be her one and only, but because it caused her a lot of emotional grief to have her heart so split in two. He hated to see her so sad and unsettled because she couldn't stop thinking about the man she was not with.

Even though she had once again chosen Sawyer, there was no giving up or moving on. At least, not for him. If Kate stayed with Sawyer once and for all, if a million other girls came his way, Jack knew his feelings for Kate would never change.

* * *

Kate was at home while Sawyer was off making money as a (more or less) respectable car salesman. Since their rescue, both had worked hard to clean up their lives. It was still miraculous and amazing to her that they were managing to do so, that their experience really changed them that deeply. Sawyer had told her it was for her that he worked so hard to be better. The part he didn't add, but Kate knew he thought anyways, was that if he became a better person, someone who was more good, like Jack, then maybe she would stop running back to Jack.

As she idly flipped through her address book feeling up for a chat with a friend, she stopped in the 'S' section. _Jack Shepherd_. Now there was someone she hadn't talked to in a very long time – had it really been a year? Not that she hadn't thought about him – she thought him constantly – but she somehow had never managed to gather the courage to call him up and actually talk to him.

She wondered how he was doing these days, if he was still working at the hospital, if there was a new girl in his life. She guiltily remembered how she'd left him standing on the doorstep of his new house; the house he'd bought for _them_ to live in together.

He probably resented her for that. She up and left him with no warning, no explanation and never talked to him again. He probably didn't _want_ to talk to her again after the way she'd treated him, especially if he knew that she was with Sawyer and had been since she left. If she called him now, she would just bring up the hurt and anger she'd seen on his face as she'd climbed into the taxi.

Even so, her curiosity about Jack's life and her desire to just hear his voice overpowered her worry of how he would react to hearing hers. She decided to call him, regardless of what happened. She dialed his number a little apprehensively, hoping he hadn't moved since she last had his phone number for she might not be able to get a hold of him otherwise.

As the phone rang on the other end, Kate's stomach clenched and unclenched strangely. She half-wanted to get the answering machine. It rang a few times before it went to the machine and Kate felt simultaneously oddly disappointed and relieved.

_"Hey, it's Jack_."

It was so good to hear his voice again, even if only a recorded version. Kate let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

_"If you're calling about the car, sorry, but I sold it. If it's Tuesday night, I am out bowling and won't be back 'till late. If you've got something to sell me, then you are wasting you're time because whatever it is, I'm not buying. If it's anybody else, then wait for the beep. You know what to do."_

There was a slight pause where Kate opened her mouth to speak but thought about hanging up before the beep. Her thumb was moving to end the call when the machine continued,

"_P.S. If this is Austen, I still love you."_

The beep came then but Kate didn't hear it as the phone had already parted company with her hand. It hit the counter noisily and thankfully didn't break. Her heart pounded hard in her chest as she inhaled sharply and scrambled to shut off the phone, belatedly realizing Jack's machine was now recording dead air. She slid to the floor clutching her head in her hands, unable to bring herself to understand what she'd just heard.

Somehow she wanted to be mistaken: maybe Austen was someone's first name, some girl he'd met after she left or maybe he meant some girl who lived in Austin, Texas. Maybe…

It was no use. She knew it was her he was talking about. Often times when she and Jack played a game or teased each other, they would take to calling each other by their last name. It was something they did when it was just the two of them and so might mean nothing to anyone else, but meant a lot to each other.

How could he still love her, after the way she'd left him? After the things she put him through, like talking about Sawyer so much and thinking about Sawyer when she should've been thinking about Jack? What kind of man would hang on that long with no contact from the woman he loves? What kind of love must that be?

An entire _year_ had gone by. Somehow it seemed much longer than a year for her. Even just the other day she had already been entertaining thoughts of leaving Sawyer. It was silly and complicated but while she was with Jack, she had thought so much about Sawyer. Now that she was with Sawyer, she thought a lot about Jack. She never felt comfortable or settled and that seemed to be one thing she couldn't change about herself no matter how hard she tried: the burning desire to run.

Yet there was something different about her when she was with Jack then Sawyer. When she had been with Jack and thought of Sawyer, she thought about them together on the island. She thought about how he called her Freckles, how he was fun to be with but often times made her feel lousy. She thought that after everything they'd shared, she must still be in love with him, how she couldn't forget him. When she was with Sawyer and thought about Jack, she thought about how he always tried to make her happy, how he always wanted to protect her, to be good to her. Thinking about him made her heart beat faster and her stomach swirl.

She didn't have the instinct to run when she was with Jack. She'd left because she felt guilty for leaving Sawyer behind after they were rescued, not because she wanted to run. She'd left because she knew Jack would take her back when she made a mistake. She'd packed because she thought if she left sooner rather than later, somehow it would be easier on both of them. A full year passed by with no contact to Jack because she needed to decide how she felt once and for all.

Hearing his voice on the answering machine, it was clear he was still waiting for her, would still take her back after her latest, and perhaps biggest, mistake. After all they'd been through, after her choosing Sawyer over him so many times, after another woman tried to love Jack, he still loved Kate.

About three days later, Kate had done a lot of thinking and had not said a word to Sawyer about Jack or what she'd discovered on his answering machine. She had come to a conclusion and thinking about it made her feel light inside. She called Jack's home again and held her breath as his phone rang. Like the last time, after a few rings, the answering machine came on. Kate had been hoping for Jack to pick up this time, but she tensely listened to the machine's message which had been changed since she last heard it.

"_Hey, you've reached Jack. If it's Friday night, I'm at the ball game – _"

_Red Sox._ thought Kate with a smile.

"_ – and first thing Saturday if you don't call back, I'm headed up to the lake and I'm going to be gone all weekend long. If you leave me a message after the beep, I can call you back when I get home on Sunday afternoon._"

Again, the slight pause and again Kate held her breath.

"_And P.S., if this is Austen, I still love you._"

The beep came and Kate closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The things she had prepared herself to say fled traitorously from her mind. She was acutely aware Jack's machine was once again recording dead air and she hastily blurted out her phone number before hanging up wincing.

She wasn't entirely sure he would call back.

* * *

Sunday evening, Sawyer was out with the guys from work and Kate complained of a severe headache in order to stay home by the phone. She waited anxiously for it to ring, twisting her hands in her lap and unable to concentrate on anything on TV. When the phone finally rang, she nearly jumped out of her skin. She picked it up on the second ring and heart was once again pounding rapidly in her chest. Her mouth went dry.

"Hello?" his voice said, unsure of whether or not someone had picked up on Kate's end. It was definitely Jack.

Kate nervously cleared her throat. "If you're calling about my heart, it's still yours. I should've listened to it a little more and maybe it wouldn't have taken me so long to figure out where I really belong. By the way, Jack, this is not an answering machine you're talking to." She smiled and her voice got tight with emotion. "Can't you tell, Shepherd? This is Austen. And I still love _you_."

Jack exhaled heavily. "Wow." He whispered and she could hear emotion creeping into his voice too. "I… don't know how to react…"

"I still love you, Jack." Kate repeated. "I know now and if you'll have me, I want to be with you, once and for all."

"Kate… I've waited so long to hear you say those words…" Jack paused. After he cleared his throat, his voice lost the emotional quiver. "What about Sawyer?"

Kate sighed. "He'll have to understand. You both hoped for and dreaded the day when I was finally able to choose. I'm sorry I wasn't able to sooner; it would've saved us all a lot of heartache."

Jack chuckled a little. They were quiet for small moment before Jack said quietly, "I thought you'd made your last choice when you left."

"Leaving showed me which choice was the right one, believe it or not." She smiled and added, "Well, and your answering machine."

They shared a laugh.

"_P.S. if this is Austen, I still love you…_"

**-end-**

* * *

**A/n: **And there you have it. If you have never heard the song "Austin" by Blake Shelton, I highly recommend it, it's so sweet. I tend to write a lot of angsty bits, so I thought it was long overdue that I create some fluff. :D Thanks for reading and reviews are like oxygen.


End file.
